You just got word that your spouse wants a ‘collaborative divorce’ — maybe straight from them, maybe in a letter or email from their attorney — and possibly with a list of lawyers to call. If your first reaction was — wait, why is the person divorcing me telling me who to hire? — good. Hold onto that.That instinct is going to serve you well, and I’m going to show you how to use it.
If your spouse already filed, the legal word for you is the “respondent.” It just means you’re responding to a case, not starting one — it doesn’t put you behind, and it doesn’t mean you’ve agreed to anything.
Who I am (and who I’m not)
I’m Cristi Trusler. I’m a divorce lawyer in Texas, and I’ve been doing this since 2002. I’m not here to sell you anything. Nothing on this page changes depending on who you hire. Straight facts about collaborative divorce, from someone with no reason to spin you.
Let me tell you something about lawyers first.
Collaborative lawyers tend to know each other, and your gut will call that a setup. There’s an old cartoon — a wolf and a sheepdog who walk to work together, clock in, and then the wolf spends all day trying to steal sheep while the sheepdog stops him; whistle blows, they clock out and walk home together.
The sheepdog never guarded those sheep one bit less because he liked the wolf. Same as boxers who spend twelve rounds trying to take each other’s heads off and then hug before the decision is read. The fight is real and the respect is real, and nobody thinks the fix is in.
That cartoon is litigation done honestly — there’s still a winner and a loser. Collaborative is choosing a different game, where nobody’s trying to win.
Your lawyer is still entirely yours. What changes is the goal.
What this site is
Sometimes collaborative isn’t right, and I’ll tell you that too. The most useful thing here isn’t a pitch — it’s a way to smell smoke. So when you sit down with a lawyer, any lawyer, anywhere, you’ll know enough to tell whether they’re being straight with you.